Four Things I Learned Growing Up in the South
These four elements of my bloodline and my environment probably apply to plenty other people in plenty other places. I don’t mean to suggest we’ve got the monopoly on any of them. When I’m away from the South, and I see these elements in other cultures, I love studying the similarities as well as the different ways of doing things. Other times I miss these Southern principles and yearn to get back to the place where I learned them by heart.
1. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. We in the South have sometimes been called fake, sugary sweet. There’s the cliche of us saying “Bless your heart” and “Aren’t you sweet?” when what we mean is the opposite. Sure, we have our share of mean girls and sweet-talking boys who say one thing and mean the other, but from a very young age we are taught our manners, our please-and-thank you’s, and that if you don’t have anything nice to say best not to say anything at all. Sometimes this means we are indeed faking it until we make it. A neighbor we don’t care for comes by to tell us our dog keeps getting in their yard. “Would you like to come in for a drink?” Even if they say no, which they probably will, at least they might change their tone and the way they’re talking. It’s hard to fuss at someone who’s offering you a drink or inviting you to sit down on their porch. As hard as it is sometimes, by using those manners our mothers and grandmothers insisted on, we’ve learned to de-escalate situations rather than escalate them. Sweet-talk, in my opinion, sometimes gets a bad rap. I like to be direct and get to the point, and that has its place, but I also like to be on the giving and receiving end of the magic of civility and how a few forced smiles and hard-to-muster greetings can sometimes wear down an impasse and make friends out of foes.
2. Work hard, play hard. Southerners are known for their independent streak. It’s hard for them to accept help to get things done, so they are often bent over in determined poses fixing a boat motor, building a deck, and earning a living that requires plenty of blood, sweat, and tears. The other side of this, is that we play just as hard as we work. Even a “quick boat ride” requires a cooler full of a variety of drinks and homemade snacks—and the lengths we go to put on a good party no matter how slim or robust our budget or timeline! The playtime is that much more primal—like it’s just gotta be expressed, baby!—when you know it’s hard-earned and you know come the next morning you’ll be back at the grindstone. This “balance of extremes” 🙂 keeps us going!
3. The Art of Hospitality. So, about those lengths we would go to for a good party…it doesn’t matter if we are hosting an impromptu happy hour after work or an elaborate Thanksgiving feast, we love throwing a party and making people feel welcome. It’s funny how you can take a can of nuts, put it in a pretty bowl, and you’ve suddenly created an experience. Those tiny little things we’re known for, that some might call silly or a waste of time, are key to the art of hospitality. It’s like you’re telling the other person, I am so glad you are here! I want to make it special and take the time and effort to make you feel special. We keep cute paper cocktail napkins on hand. We keep a few nibbles in the fridge. We go ga-ga over party invitations. Things don’t have to be fancy in our world of hospitality, they only have to come from the heart and make your guests feel loved.
4. The Power of Food. I don’t need to tell y’all about Southern food! If you’re not passionate about that topic, you’re probably not reading this blog! But what I’m always reminded of in the South is the power of it not just to please our tastebuds but to heal our wounds, bind our families, create alliances, and show our love. Whether someone has passed away and we inundate their home with our homemade specialties or our siblings are converging from far away for a family weekend, food is able to communicate those complicated emotions that are hard to verbalize. I think in the South we not only understand the power of food, we truly appreciate its history and its family origins and the common ground it represents. This line from Gumbo Love sums it up, I think: I have found that food is always the great equalizer when it comes to our family. It has helped us get beyond differences and always brings us together in celebration of our heritage and deep gratitude for our ancestors.
So with deep gratitude for Southern food, hospitality, our extreme work-and-play balance, and our tendency to attract flies with honey, I feel pretty proud to have grown up where I did. Sure, we’ve got our issues, just like any other place (and any other family!), but with these Southern principles in play, I am always hopeful that we can continue to grow and thrive.
What have you learned from growing up in the South?
Photo by Angie Mosier
